Home sweet home!

Alight from the bus and inhale the heady air of the humid, hot night. Perk your ears and you can hear the faint beats of good old music thumping their way towards you, with the promise of an awesome time ahead. You see your fellow "compadres" strutting or ambling along in too high heels and skin tight jeans, in jovial and teasing moods, and you think,"How good it feels to be home!"

Loud music, lots of alcohol, hot guys and gals, the light buzz forming in your head. Welcome, party!

Get the fuck out of my life

Wow. You are one lucky guy. Congratulate yourself for not meeting me today, because if you did, you wouldn't have gone home alive. So that's how a player operates. But somehow, isn't that something only a girl would do? Oh wait, I forgot. You ain't really a guy to begin with. Ha.

Think this sounds harsh? Well, before you rip me off as another bitch indulging in some catty kiss-and-tell scheme, stop a while and consider this: There are two sides to every story. Do you honestly think I didn't know right from the start that you are a player? I mean, come on! I've been with more guys than you can ever imagine, many more than your supposed ex-es (I don't know for sure, it could be an egoistic instinct to brag. Isn't that what you do best?).

Do you seriously think I can't tell whether you are lying? Right from the start, I could practically SMELL the "player vibes" emanating from your skinny frame. And I know the signs and symptoms guys like you display. Sweet words, plenty of attention, showers of gifts...yet not revealing anything about yourself, your friends or your family. So it would be easier for you to disappear into oblivion once you are done playing with me. Nah, don't be too happy yet. I've got connections, networks, and friends whose loyalty far surpass anything else in this world, and through them, I can make sure you fucking die. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Are you wetting your pants yet? Shivering and stinking in your own cowardly shit? Or planning a hasty escape back to your hometown? Relax, if I really had murderous intent, I would have killed you the first time you lied to me, my dear. I'm not a murderer. Haven't been, never had the intention to be, up until I met you, actually. This isn't supposed to be a threat. I'm so so sorry, baby, but if I were you, I would be very careful of my own fucking safety, and maybe watch my scrawny ass more carefully than ever before.

Why did I still let you play me, despite knowing all your lies and games? I don't know. Call it giving the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I really believed you had some good in you. Maybe I still see something redeemable through the hazy blanket of lies. Maybe I was too trusting. Whatever it is, I had to be honest, you really did mean something to me, for a while that is. I gave my all, but it just wasn't enough. and you just kept lying, and lying, and lying, and hiding and hiding and hiding...But now I hate you so much I could wring your puny neck if I ever see you again. I say again, you did the right thing ignoring my text to meet today, because I was really planning to hurt you. In a way you can never fucking imagine. Haha.

And baby dear, if you want to lie, please, be a better liar. All that hogwash about your mum being in the hospital and you having to take over her business...oh please. Do I look like I was born yesterday? You are so bad at this! To be a player, you must firstly be good-looking and ooze charisma, and secondly, you must know how to lie well. But baby, I must say sadly, you fail both criteria. Ah well, guess there will always be amateurs in everything. Did I mention how fucking LOSER you were? You are so socially awkward and street dumb. Stay out of clubs and the night life, and do us all a favour please. And you are already 21. The last time I heard, 21 is the legal age signalling adulthood, which means you make your own decisions and stand on your own two feet. But baby, you are so totally dependent, it seems like you just got weaned off your mummy's milk yesterday!

To continue on your playing streak, you have to be more manly okay? Not everyone appreciates partial femininity. It's so, oh my goodness, I don't know how to describe it. Give me a moment while I laugh my guts out and roll my eyes till I can see the inside of my head. How often have I laughed AT you, not with you? I don't know. Call this my own private joke. Sorry for not telling you earlier, my dearest. Oh yes, and please save all that bullshit talk about marriage, kids, and a future together. You don't fucking fool anyone.

Hey, you should so check out this song, "Fuck you right back" by Frankee. The chorus goes something like this:

"Fuck what I did,

Was your fault somehow.

Fuck all the presents,

I threw all that shit out.

Fuck all that crying,

It didn't mean jack.

Well guess what yo,

Fuck you right back!"

How apt. Oh I miss you baby. I really really really do. Fuck yeah.

Open my eyes to new perspectives

Now I understand things better.

I believe bad things happen simply for us to see things in a clearer and less myopic perspective. It's God's way of telling us,"Hey, I want you to learn. If I were to warn you beforehand, you will never listen to me or believe me. So you have to learn the hard way."

Thank You God. I see it now. See what You have seen all along. See what You want me to see.

And I know.

IMPROMPTU

The worst feeling in the world is expecting something so much and it doesn't happen. It's the feeling of failed expectations.

But.

On the flip side, the best feeling in the world is when you don't expect something and it happens. Impromptu decisions always leave me feeling so high and fluttery.

Thank you, JJ. It was an awesome time and I don't regret that 25 bucks. After months of drought, it's amazing to finally be able to release my inner yearnings and channel that wild child energies to something so mesmerizing. Just get lost in the music and forget about this cruel life.

Sometimes the goodwill of a friend has the ability to cover the ugliest flaws of certain other people in your life. Yup, I can vouch for that.