Darkness

I sit here all alone
with the wind blowing through my hair,
here I’am enclosed in a shell of my own
and no longer does anyone care.
I feel water has moved away from the bay,
and my sand castle has been washed away.
I am fully aware of the fact that I have done mistakes,
and I know that in life
there are no retakes.
The clouds of darkness are shielding me,
will an angel ever come and set me free?
I walk in the rain
so that no one can see my pain.
Will there ever be an angel
who will see to it that I no longer dwell
in the memory lane?
But the mist doesn’t seem to be clearing,
and the sadness doesn’t seem to be decreasing...
The people who broke my heart
I will no longer be needing,
and of late loneliness is all that I have been feeling.
But I have faith that the sun will shine through the darkness,
and again I will see happiness.
Though in the past people have been fake,
let’s see what life offers in its next take.

The crumbling of the world around me

I'm not sure how many of you understand the feeling-the feeling of your world crumbling around you. Or more like the feeling of having your breath knocked out of you, leaving you gasping, stumbling darkly around, unsure of anything and everything. I just got one of that bad knocks last night, when realisation kicked in, rather harshly, I must add. Before, I was drowning myslef in self-made fantasies and illusions, trying rather futively and pathetically to grasp on to the last shreds of optimism, yet like sunlight, it eluded me when the time for it to brighten up someone else's life came.

Then the darkness closed in, stifling and numbing. Yet despite its blanket wrap, my eyes were somehow opened, giving me a strange, bitter awakening, making me feel so stupid, so exhausted, so resigned...what have I been fighting for? Have the past few months been a modern day reenactment of Daedaleus, running around in circles and not being able to get anywhere? Have all the thoughts and efforts gone into chasing for something so irritatingly unobtainable? Or have I been living in a wrold of delusion so well-crafted that even I myself didn't realise it? Maybe it is time to truly let it go, and fall back into the monotony of a status quo. Mybe it is time to do a reality check and management of expectations, and let that burning desire fizz out into the frail ashes of nothingness...


Break Me
Hate me for being me,
look at me and scream
push me hard pull me back
try to crush my dream.

Tears flood from me like rain,
drowning who I used to be,
suffocating my inner self
who’s crying to be let free.

Don’t touch me-I’m too fragile.
To breath is to hurt,
my pain is my endless life
pushed face down in the dirt.

Tattooed with the scars of hate,
labelled like I’m fake,
break me for what its worth
rob me of what you take.

Slap me down when I rise,
call me for what I feel
laugh and leave me,
walk away and
sell my soul, the devils deal.

Now whats left of me is broken,
look at the scars and see:
I didn’t do this to my self
but I did let you break me...

Bottled up inside

Bottled up inside
are the words I never said.
The feelings that I hide,
The lines you never read.
You can see it in my eyes,
Read it on my face.
Trapped are the lies of the past
with memories that linger,
Won’t seem to go away.
Why can I be happier?
Today is brand new day.
Yesterdays are over,
Even though the hunting is not.
Nothing lasts forever,
I must cherish what I’ve got.
Don’t take my love for granted
for soon it will be gone.
All you’ve ever wanted
the love you thought you’d won.
The hurt I’m feeling now won’t disappear over night.
But somehow, someday,
Everything will turn out alright.
No more wishing for the past,
It wasn’t meant to be,
Didn’t seem to last.
So I have to set you free.

Some things just aren't meant to be said-maybe it is inappropriate, maybe it is just not the time. For now, I have to be contented with bottling it up, and not let the dizzying surge of emotions overflow and influence my rational mind.