(Parents sit on sofa.Girl enters in a rush)
Girl: Hey Mum,hey Dad! Look,I just got a call from my friends. I know it's kinda last-minute,but can I just go hang out and you know,chill?
Dad: No.
Girl: Aww...come on...I mean,it's the start of June...and it's just an outing! I'll be back before one a.m., promise!
Mum: ONE A.M.?! Young lady...
Girl: Okay...twelve p.m.? I won't be late,really!
Dad: NO.
Girl: But why? It's just one day...
Dad(sarcastically): One day? Are you sure? If I let you go this time,you will climb on top of my head and soon you will be going out EVERY day. Then you will start neglecting your studies and get retained at the end of the year.
Mum(salt-rubbing,as usual): Look at your marks for your econs test! 12/25! You failed,girl!
Girl(exasperatedly): It's not a fail,Mum. It's an E grade! This is 'A' levels,no longer 'O's...
Dad(flares up): You don't argue with your Mum and don't try to cheat us. You failed by a miserable half-mark! Disappointing! What have you been doing? Running and running and running...and you still dare to go out and "chill"? Simply asking for trouble!
Mum: Yeah,maybe you should just stop running completely. Look at you,always reaching home so late at night,falling asleep before you can finish doing your work,and you have become so black! Too much running under the sun already. It's time to stop all these nonsense and study for your 'A' levels!
(Girl feels the world crashing down around her)
Sorry guys,for fucking up and "pang-sehing" at the last moment...I'm unable to overcome these strong barriers myself *sighs* Looks like June is going to be super empty...no outings,no chalets,no fun. Just mug mug mug...and trainings everyday(provided if THEY still allow me to go) except Thursdays and Sundays. I'm not going to cave in,I'm still going for training no matter what THEY say. They can't stop me from living my life...they can't take away what matters most to me. And...I will find ways to sneak out of the house,even if it means just a few hours spent with my friends...it's worth all the reprimandings.
A depression so deep it finds a way into the Soul,
and travels through every pore of your Heart.
A depression so large it encompasses every bit of your Reality,
and leaves Reality a cloudy memory.
A depression so dense it compresses every will you once had,
and bows you down to accept it as it's own.
A depression so devious it takes you piece by piece,
and consumes each piece day by day.
A depression so truly disheartening,
and leaves you no other emotions.
A depression so dangerous,
it slaughters,
everything,
inside,
of you.
Argh! I guess I had enough of all that shit. It's not worth mulling over and killing millions of brain cells in the process...I have to stay strong and focus on happier stuff. Did 16km with Miss Ng only today(the number of people is seriously dwindling! oh man...Sarah! come train with me! miss ya lots,seriously...) and was made to whack the countless,endless slopes along the way, and to sprint the last stretch back to school! My goodness,slopes aren't meant to be whacked and sprints are not a constitution of long runs! *grimaces* Ahh,but in the end,it's still for the better and i will contribute to the final race(I kept telling myself that throughout the run).
Freedom wins
freedom falls.
Wisedom out lives it all.
Running,
pushing,
all the time.
This freedom yours
this freedom mine.
Stay strong and free! I can do it!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
GO VJ!!!
Training today was not cancelled after all*smiles* This is the third time I "pon" lesson...big apologies to my Geog tutors :p Had an early interval training before heading to Toa Payoh Sports Hall to watch the basketball girls finals...they really really rock!It was such a close match,with VJ and RJ leading alternately,keeping most of us on our toes for the entire match.Lots of shoving and grabbing and snatching by the RJ girls(hey...I'm not biased okay...I'm just stating the facts*nods*)...they were so rough!And it really sucks when they act like such uncivilised losers by cheering(or rather, jeering)whenever VJ gals are awarded free throws.I mean,come on,isn't RJ supposed to be an established institution with well-bred students?? *shakes her head* VJ no.11 and 14 are so so cool!Gals of the match,undoubtedly!They played with such style and "coolness",and they are always there to save the game!But all in all,GREAT GAME EVERYONE!:)
Went to the soccer girls' finals at Jalan Besar stadium afterwards...great game gals!Cheer up!You gals played your heart out and to us...you are all winners.I mean,hey,coming in second is trivial and cannot be compared to the fact that you gals have did all that you can!And there is always next year man!All the way!It was a pretty fast match too,and the spectators were nearly hoarse with all that shouting to drown out the drums and clappers.
Last day of the term...end of season for most sports and games.Now it's left to the Track and Field team,COME ON COME ON!It's our turn guys,all the way to the Nationals,about a month more...Train hard,endure the mental strain,and stay positive and optimistic!
Went to the soccer girls' finals at Jalan Besar stadium afterwards...great game gals!Cheer up!You gals played your heart out and to us...you are all winners.I mean,hey,coming in second is trivial and cannot be compared to the fact that you gals have did all that you can!And there is always next year man!All the way!It was a pretty fast match too,and the spectators were nearly hoarse with all that shouting to drown out the drums and clappers.
Last day of the term...end of season for most sports and games.Now it's left to the Track and Field team,COME ON COME ON!It's our turn guys,all the way to the Nationals,about a month more...Train hard,endure the mental strain,and stay positive and optimistic!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Internal strife
"To be or not to be..." That's the burning question I have-spent so much time thinking(again!I just can't give up on my bad thinking habits...argh),on the bus,during lessons(whoops!),while snoozing...Why does this always occur so frequently?And they say lightning doesn't strike twice...what the hell!
I reject my hopeless fate,
I reject it totally.
I accept the world's helpless fate,
I accept it unreservedly.
I expect my deathless fate,
I expect it devotedly,without any choice.
Tomorrow will be the last day of the term,and the most speculated full-day declaration had better come.I mean,come on,it's the last day of the term!You can't expect a full-day in June right?*shakes her head*Unfortunately we Geog students still have to endure the first hour of lecture while our salt-rubbing Historian friends can go stone at the stone tables and have a great time...grrr.And Miss Ng postponed today's intervals training to tomorrow...guess we have to cancel that too*sighs*
What a wonky day,especially with Eunice and Jon Heng...you guys are so damn hilarious man!We just spent our entire supposed "mugging" time laughing and cracking lame jokes,waiting for Jon's drumlets(yes,he's been waiting since last week,when he got beaten by the great crosser guys*smiles*)and commenting on everyone and anyone that we see...Man,we are just a bunch of wonky people!And today was just so super "malu" walking around with that great big Milo stain on the back of my skirt...WHAT THE HELL man!Every ordinary person would immediately think it is THAT stain,and not that of a dumb brownish drink,just because I'm a girl and ya...you know what I mean.Big thanks to the wonderful idiot who spilled Milo on that stone chair which I stupidly sat on...Damn sucky!There were like so many people coming up to me discreetly and whispering(with a bemused expression),"Hey,you got a...um...stain...on your skirt..."And I have to be as thankful as I can possibly be,"Yes I know.Thanks..."*growls*How nice to walk around a whole day with my personal red flag...I just seem to have a knack to be the most "malu" and "paiseh" person in school!Just yesterday I was walking in after seeing Megan to the bus stop,when I tripped over and invisible step at the Concourse...OH MAN!Thank goodness it was during the sleepy 3pm time when the school was virtually empty,and nobody saw saved one.Jon Heng!Oh bless my soul!He made such a joke out of it!Grrr...but honestly it was kinda funny I guess.Argh!So "malu"!
I reject my hopeless fate,
I reject it totally.
I accept the world's helpless fate,
I accept it unreservedly.
I expect my deathless fate,
I expect it devotedly,without any choice.
Tomorrow will be the last day of the term,and the most speculated full-day declaration had better come.I mean,come on,it's the last day of the term!You can't expect a full-day in June right?*shakes her head*Unfortunately we Geog students still have to endure the first hour of lecture while our salt-rubbing Historian friends can go stone at the stone tables and have a great time...grrr.And Miss Ng postponed today's intervals training to tomorrow...guess we have to cancel that too*sighs*
What a wonky day,especially with Eunice and Jon Heng...you guys are so damn hilarious man!We just spent our entire supposed "mugging" time laughing and cracking lame jokes,waiting for Jon's drumlets(yes,he's been waiting since last week,when he got beaten by the great crosser guys*smiles*)and commenting on everyone and anyone that we see...Man,we are just a bunch of wonky people!And today was just so super "malu" walking around with that great big Milo stain on the back of my skirt...WHAT THE HELL man!Every ordinary person would immediately think it is THAT stain,and not that of a dumb brownish drink,just because I'm a girl and ya...you know what I mean.Big thanks to the wonderful idiot who spilled Milo on that stone chair which I stupidly sat on...Damn sucky!There were like so many people coming up to me discreetly and whispering(with a bemused expression),"Hey,you got a...um...stain...on your skirt..."And I have to be as thankful as I can possibly be,"Yes I know.Thanks..."*growls*How nice to walk around a whole day with my personal red flag...I just seem to have a knack to be the most "malu" and "paiseh" person in school!Just yesterday I was walking in after seeing Megan to the bus stop,when I tripped over and invisible step at the Concourse...OH MAN!Thank goodness it was during the sleepy 3pm time when the school was virtually empty,and nobody saw saved one.Jon Heng!Oh bless my soul!He made such a joke out of it!Grrr...but honestly it was kinda funny I guess.Argh!So "malu"!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Yeah,it's really enough...
Idiosyncrasies of Michelle
:Runs during every one-hour break(that's everyday,except Thursday...)
:Usually on "sleep mode" from the start of lessons to the end,but switches to "active mode" when training starts
:Complains about how shag she is during tutorials,then runs to wake herself up during break
That's me...and I'm starting to see how weird or to put it nicely-eccentric-I can be sometimes(actually,it's always.ha)That's okay,I mean,I just have to do what I really want and don't have to go around worrying whether it's normal or not.
It's really starting to get on my nerves.I'm just getting so so so sick of THAT,it's so worthless and detrimental!I'm seriously seriously starting to see it man...so to all concerned people who have offered their help in some way or other,thank you lots,I truly believe what you guys meant.It will go,it will go...just give me some more time,and you can see the change.Slow and steady yeah?
Thank goodness for the weather today-finally it didn't rain during training,and it was just right for the "shiok" long run*smiles*By the way,really glad that A11 is finally back,it's so good to have the noisy class back,after the dismal turnout(only 6?!) yesterday.It was so weird man-the first time you don't have to stand around the stone tables,eyeing the next person who gets up and quickly plant yourself on the newly available seat.Welcome back,guys.
Big thanks to Qian and Eunice for your company during my run today,many apologies for making you guys sit in the sun(this may be beneficial to Qian though...you need to get tanner you drowned Poseidon's bride!*grins*).Oh and hope your elbow's better Qian...wonder how you can actually fall from the steeple haha!
Sui Hui,Megan and I did something so super "auntie" today!I can't believe it-it was probably on the spur of the moment:we went straight to the SC room and complained to them about the terrible state the toilets were in,especially the one directly below the PE dept.Hey,we deserve a "Most thoughtful" award or something,for bringing that prevalent issue up-yet again.It will bring about greater good to all Victorians in the long run,and also not turn away so many of our visitors and potential DSA candidates!At least they managed to reassure us that something is really going to be done about this problem,and that plans are already underway(they need lots of funds though...hint hint)
There was a time when I loved
The fantastic fabrics of the mind.
There was a time
When I lived my life
Based on culled fictions.
There was a time
When I was satisfied
With a fragment of reality,
Splintered, broken and smashed.
But now a lucid illumination
Steals into my heart.
The eternal presence of infinity's light
Feeds my vision's dawn.
:Runs during every one-hour break(that's everyday,except Thursday...)
:Usually on "sleep mode" from the start of lessons to the end,but switches to "active mode" when training starts
:Complains about how shag she is during tutorials,then runs to wake herself up during break
That's me...and I'm starting to see how weird or to put it nicely-eccentric-I can be sometimes(actually,it's always.ha)That's okay,I mean,I just have to do what I really want and don't have to go around worrying whether it's normal or not.
It's really starting to get on my nerves.I'm just getting so so so sick of THAT,it's so worthless and detrimental!I'm seriously seriously starting to see it man...so to all concerned people who have offered their help in some way or other,thank you lots,I truly believe what you guys meant.It will go,it will go...just give me some more time,and you can see the change.Slow and steady yeah?
Thank goodness for the weather today-finally it didn't rain during training,and it was just right for the "shiok" long run*smiles*By the way,really glad that A11 is finally back,it's so good to have the noisy class back,after the dismal turnout(only 6?!) yesterday.It was so weird man-the first time you don't have to stand around the stone tables,eyeing the next person who gets up and quickly plant yourself on the newly available seat.Welcome back,guys.
Big thanks to Qian and Eunice for your company during my run today,many apologies for making you guys sit in the sun(this may be beneficial to Qian though...you need to get tanner you drowned Poseidon's bride!*grins*).Oh and hope your elbow's better Qian...wonder how you can actually fall from the steeple haha!
Sui Hui,Megan and I did something so super "auntie" today!I can't believe it-it was probably on the spur of the moment:we went straight to the SC room and complained to them about the terrible state the toilets were in,especially the one directly below the PE dept.Hey,we deserve a "Most thoughtful" award or something,for bringing that prevalent issue up-yet again.It will bring about greater good to all Victorians in the long run,and also not turn away so many of our visitors and potential DSA candidates!At least they managed to reassure us that something is really going to be done about this problem,and that plans are already underway(they need lots of funds though...hint hint)
There was a time when I loved
The fantastic fabrics of the mind.
There was a time
When I lived my life
Based on culled fictions.
There was a time
When I was satisfied
With a fragment of reality,
Splintered, broken and smashed.
But now a lucid illumination
Steals into my heart.
The eternal presence of infinity's light
Feeds my vision's dawn.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Drained...completely
Sundays are the days when the entire weeks' accumulated physical strain comes back with a vengeance and attacks mercilessly.Argh...it was a chore to drag myself out of bed for my morning run(I know,I love running,but there are certain bad days you know...),I could hardly open my eyes!Thank goodness for the brilliant weather-not too hot yet not rainy(it better not rain!) and as usual,the feeling was just splendid after that*smiles*Ahh...the little pleasures of life.
There was emotional drain as well,I just felt so shag throughout the rest of the day,not even enough for the temporary endorphin boost that running gives to cover.I seriously think I have a problem with thinking-I just think too much.Fuck.I just seem to think and think and think,and imagine all the worst possible things that can happen and that affects me so adversely...It's starting to affect others around me as well.Initially I told myself that it was just a phase that everyone goes through,but really,I don't think so-that was just mere consolation to make myself feel better.Am I just too pessimistic or what?I always force myself to present a really happy and optimistic front to others,but deep down I feel like cheating myself and them.It's not good to fake(sorry,I can't help it).it's not a phase that everyone goes through...I'm the only weird one,and dammit,that's really scary.Even my brother thinks that I "space out" too often,so much so that I always seem to be stoning away whenever people talk to me.He says I look detached and obscured within my own world...is that true?I don't know,neither do I want to know how I look like...but I just can't remember what I was thinking about that made me so spaced out!I have to do something to change that,and maybe I can start off by not thinking so much.Just do things and not think too deep into everything,or else I will be killed by my own thoughts.Wonder how much brain juice I have left to spend on thinking more necessary things,like my studies and stuff...Dammit.
Faith, sweet Faith!Why have you forgotten me?
Confidence, bold Confidence!Why have you denied me?
Assurance, sure Assurance!Why have you betrayed me?
Faith, your quick forgetfulnessTortures my heart.
Confidence, your shameless denial Pierces my mind.
Assurance, your unpardonable betrayal Veils my soul.
ps.Man Utd lost to Chelsea!Argh!how can that happen?grrr...at least Man U still have something to fall back on*winks*
There was emotional drain as well,I just felt so shag throughout the rest of the day,not even enough for the temporary endorphin boost that running gives to cover.I seriously think I have a problem with thinking-I just think too much.Fuck.I just seem to think and think and think,and imagine all the worst possible things that can happen and that affects me so adversely...It's starting to affect others around me as well.Initially I told myself that it was just a phase that everyone goes through,but really,I don't think so-that was just mere consolation to make myself feel better.Am I just too pessimistic or what?I always force myself to present a really happy and optimistic front to others,but deep down I feel like cheating myself and them.It's not good to fake(sorry,I can't help it).it's not a phase that everyone goes through...I'm the only weird one,and dammit,that's really scary.Even my brother thinks that I "space out" too often,so much so that I always seem to be stoning away whenever people talk to me.He says I look detached and obscured within my own world...is that true?I don't know,neither do I want to know how I look like...but I just can't remember what I was thinking about that made me so spaced out!I have to do something to change that,and maybe I can start off by not thinking so much.Just do things and not think too deep into everything,or else I will be killed by my own thoughts.Wonder how much brain juice I have left to spend on thinking more necessary things,like my studies and stuff...Dammit.
Faith, sweet Faith!Why have you forgotten me?
Confidence, bold Confidence!Why have you denied me?
Assurance, sure Assurance!Why have you betrayed me?
Faith, your quick forgetfulnessTortures my heart.
Confidence, your shameless denial Pierces my mind.
Assurance, your unpardonable betrayal Veils my soul.
ps.Man Utd lost to Chelsea!Argh!how can that happen?grrr...at least Man U still have something to fall back on*winks*
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